This is an ancient post, published more than 4 years ago.
As such, it might not anymore reflect the views of the author or the state of the world. It is provided as historical record.
UPDATE: thanks to Carlos Solís we now have a Spanish translation! Thank you!
The following is a rant. You have been warned.
Everyone that knows me is familiar with my hate-hate relationship
with Apple. I have been an anti-Apple evangelist for a while now, but –
to be honest – it used to be a challenge. I mean, one has to admit their
products had a look and feel that was on par with what (too) many
clients expected for the money.
While I was opposed to them on philosophical grounds (for some reason
or other, I loathe walled gardens), making a case
against buying Apple to a non-freesoftie was not an easy endaevour (try
explaining what a walled garden is to a random person on the street, see
how that goes).
So what could I do? If somebody likes to be closed in an overpriced
corporate-controlled bubble, and only being able to do with their (the
corporation’s, not the user’s – the user is not the owner, as it would
turn out) device what the corporation expressly allows for, it’s their
own sovereign choice. A bad one, but hey, what do I care.
Heck, even technical people had some arguments to go Apple that were
hard to argue against on pure technical grounds.
Well, that’s a thing of the past.
Quality
Ah yes, officially the main Apple selling point (“officially”, as the
real main Apple selling point is and for a long time has been, well,
fashion). Apple’s failure in this regard is the more funny, the harder
Apple
afficionados argue that there’s no problem and that there’s
absolutely no change in the quality of Apple products.
Well, dang. At this point I can argue both ways, and actually win
either way!
On one side of the table, I don’t remember Apple releasing a product
that has both annoying hardware and crippling software issues. I mean,
never have I seen or heard about an iPhone that automagically adds
a violet flare to pictures; has ugly
problems with bodypainting; and at the same time offers an “upgrade”
of an important app that is so
bad, even an Apple-hater like myself has to admit it’s not even
funny anymore.
Of course, out of those three, the body painting problem is the
biggie for Apple: can you imagine how hard it is to impress fellow
hipsters in a Starbucks with a device that is shedding enamel? It’s like
trying to impress downtown girls with a rusty VW Golf. It’s not gonna
work, regardless of how overpriced it was.
On the other hand, I must admit that Apple’s real (vs. perceived)
quality didn’t really deteriorate that much. Remember the AntennaGate?
Or the Hot
Macs
problem?
Or the MacBook
WiFi
fail? Yeah, see, at this point talking about quality problems in Apple
offerings is a bit like flogging a dead horse.
Just a bit. The horse, you see, would have never been as
condescending as Apple.
Complete contempt for
clients
Ah yes, the stellar Apple customer care. Or, as Steve Jobs himself
(currently violently spinning in his grave after hearing all the good
news about iPhone5) put it, “You’re Holding It Wrong.”
Is there a problem
with the antenna? Oh, and did Apple get
clear warnings from their own engineer that such a problem
will arise with such a design? Yeah, well, “you’re
holding it wrong” (why yes, it
is being held “wrong” also in Apple ads, but hush, peasant!).
Or maybe there is a response expected from Apple with regard to the
nice violet flare added automagically (BTW, Instagram folks are
surely not amused) to pictures taken with the newest iPhone? Guess what!
“You’re pointing it
wrong”.
Ah, but when the bodypaint problem came about, Apple surely must have
admitted a mistake, right? Nope. “That’s
normal.” Well, obviously “everybody knows” that coated aluminum
shows these symptoms. Maybe this is why nobody else uses it in their
design?.. Especially in gadgets that are supposedly “made with a level of
precision you’d expect from a finely crafted watch”…
And what about The
Amazing iOS6 Maps? Hey, at least Tim Cook had the guts to apologise.
Kinda. “You get
unusable maps because we want to give you the best experience”. Erm.
Yeah, makes sense! Thanks, Tim! This is really appreciated especially in
the light of the fact that this mess is a result of a purely political
decision (“we will now stop using Google Maps”) that completely ignored
users’ needs and only focused on Apple’s
hate towards Android and Google.
Oh, and guess what – “shiny” new iPhone introduces
a completely new connector, so unless you buy the adapter (for
a mere $29.99), all your accessories will now be useless. Normally
it would be called “extortion”, but for Apple that’s just business as
usual – their several
different, incompatible video adaptors are a constant cause for lulz
anywhere a Mac owner tries to connect to a beamer…
I am sure, though, that it’s all worth it – after all, in Apple’s own
words, iPhone5 is the biggest
thing to happen to iPhone. Or maybe the tallest. As in tall tales.
Imaginary Property Wars
Apparently, though, Apple seems to be painfully aware of its own
decline, and instead of fighting their competition via regular market
mechanisms – oh, you know, being cheaper or better (or both)
– they decided to try to stiffle competition with court orders.
How deluded and hipocritical must a company be to shout “Free Market!
Globalization!” when somebody tries to hold them responsible for what
the FoxConn
workers have to go through, but cry “no fair” when this free market
and globalization comes back and bites them in the arse in their own
playground? Oh, right, it’s a corporation. Carry
on.
Of course Apple claims that competition “stole” some imaginary
property from them – but I have a very hard time understanding what’s so
increadibly inventive in rounded corners, rubber-band scrolling, slide
to unlock or any of the other things
Apple “borrowed” from other companies.
Surprisingly, also the US Patent Office has
its doubts lately. That, however, does
not stop the jurors from diving into the reality
distortion field (along with many
Apple users themselves).
Of course all sides can play this game and Motorola
decided to call Apple on it. While I do not support the idea of software
patents, with this I prepare myself some pop-corn; this is going to
be entertaining!
But that’s where it gets really funny – turns out Apple (to use their
language) “stole
intellectual property” of Swiss Railways. That’s right. They most
definitely copied the design, and while “rounded corners”, one might
argue, is a very general idea and maybe, just maybe, should not be
patentable, the whole design of a clock is something more complex and
license-worthy (maybe not of a patent, but that’s another story).
Just to add some more spice to the whole charade, a Chinese phone
brand apparently patented
the iPhone5 design in China. I am waiting impatiently for Apple’s
response! Will they decry design patents? Will they just agree to pay
the royalties? Or maybe Tim will find some even more lulz-worthy
solutions? Only time will tell!
However, all laughing aside, this causes real problems for the rest
of us. And I am not talking only about Apple’s frivolous
attacks
on any logo built on apple (the fruit) image, although this alone is a
growing problem (although here also Apple’s
karma is a bitch).
Stiffling innovation
It causes problems, as it stiffles innovation. Even if somebody finds
a new great way of designing a smartphone they have to design around
Apple’s absurd patents on obvious things.
The bottom line? We get fewer new smartphone designs, because big
companies prefer to stick to what has already been tested in courts to
hold against Apples litigation. Litigation that will also start
happening as soon as third party companies start innovating around the
new connector, as it is considered by Apple their own imaginary
property, and guarded heavily so that Apple alone can reap the benefits
off of their gullible yet
apparently quite wealthy userbase.
I, for one, am not amused.
But wait, there’s more! Apple managed to stiffle innovation also on
the software front! With their opaque and
secret app-vetting process that lets in countless
fart apps (this is not that surprising, providing that the man
running the App Store sells several fart apps of his own) yet doesn’t
allow for a web browser app (that would be immensely more useful
than all the fart apps combined), with them rejecting an
app that informs of real-life drone attacks yet having no problem
whatsoever with brutal
games – they only allow for a very limited sort of apps to reach the
users. And the developers can
only guess if their idea is to liking of the App Store
overlords.
Oh, and those overlords really
hate
Free Software. Which comes as no surprise, of course.
Enablers
Up to a point I really couldn’t care less about what Apple customers
let Apple do to themselves. It’s their money, their data, their lives.
If somebody wants to act dumb, I can’t really stop them, can I?
At some point in time, though, Apple decided it’s a good idea to
bully everybody everywhere, directly and indirectly, and try to coerce,
extort, stiffle and litigate in all directions possible. This directly
threatens my freedom to choose hardware and software that I use. And I
shall not sit back and let them do that.
Apple would not be able to do all this if people stopped buying their
crap. So you, my dear Apple customer, are the enabler. You personally
enable them to not only rob you of your own money, but to rob others of
their choices.
And hence I shall from now on consider you, dear Apple customer, to
be personally partially responsible for all evil Apple does. No buts. No
ifs. You own an Apple device – you enable and support all of the
above.
If you don’t, stop buying Apple. The sooner, the better – for you and
for the rest of us.